


too far away to hold but close enough to break my heart

by A_Butter_Churner



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Assassination Attempt(s), Declarations Of Love, Forehead Kisses, Hurt Sokka (Avatar), I'm Sorry, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Love Confessions, M/M, Past Sokka/Suki (Avatar), Past Sokka/Yue (Avatar), Post-War, Sokka (Avatar)-centric, ily sokka and im sorry bb
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-29
Updated: 2020-11-29
Packaged: 2021-03-10 06:54:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,845
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27770107
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/A_Butter_Churner/pseuds/A_Butter_Churner
Summary: One kiss. One stolen kiss in the threshold was all he was going to get, and he knew that. But it was better than never knowing for sure if those lips tasted of pomegranates like he’d always imagined. It was better than never saying those three words to the person they were meant for most. And maybe, maybe, he could apologize.
Relationships: Sokka/Zuko (Avatar)
Comments: 21
Kudos: 71





	too far away to hold but close enough to break my heart

**Author's Note:**

> hey zukka nation, i have become one of you. please accept this humble offering (preferably with a kudos or comment?)
> 
> title from six feet apart by alec benjamin

One kiss. One stolen kiss in the threshold was all he was going to get, and he knew that. But it was better than never knowing for sure if those lips tasted of pomegranates like he’d always imagined. It was better than never saying those three words to the person they were meant for most. And maybe, _maybe,_ he could apologize.

\-- 

“Your future will be filled with struggle and anguish, most of it self-inflicted.”

As much as he hated to admit it, Sokka mulled over those words every night since they’d visited Aunt Wu. Yeah, he tried to take the other predictions with a grain of salt, but when someone so casually states that you’ll be unhappy for the rest of your life, it’s hard not to wonder, right?

As Yue slipped from his arms and faded into the ether, those words echoed inside his mind. He was barely fifteen and he had so much of life left to see, and he could only sit by and watch the girl he’d become enamored with disappear into nothing, placing the ghost of a kiss on his lips.

And then again, on the Day of Black Sun. Hearing Azula’s cackles as she taunted him— _flaunting_ the fact that she’d taken Suki away from him—those words flashed before his eyes.

Thank the spirits he’d gotten her back, but the scare was there. And even after they’d drifted— realizing that they couldn’t fulfill one another romantically, but still loving one another as deeply as they did before—he never could find a home anywhere he wandered. The Southern Water Tribe seemed somehow different, more foreign. And besides, Katara and Aang were settling down there. It seemed rude to intrude on their lives.

And then came Zuko. The scarred boy offered him a hand and even better, a home. Sokka owed him too much to quantify.

It was interesting, living in the nation he’d once swore to destroy. But you really just had to see the care with which Zuko treated his citizens, and you’d know the War wasn’t going to happen again. At least, not under his rule.

“I want them to see I’m not my father.” Zuko had said, his scar glimmering slightly in the firelight. “I don’t want them to respect me because they fear me.”

“They don’t.” Sokka had responded. “They love you.” He wasn’t lying. The empathy with which Zuko treated his subjects was a miracle to witness. His amber eyes would soften while listening to a grieving widow beg for resources for her children and he’d let her wrap her arms around him with no regard for the tears that spilt on his robes. His gaze would flick to Sokka and he’d smile sweetly, eyes crinkling a little and Sokka’s heart would swell, longing for those arms to be around him, too.

And now, the two of them sat next to one another by the turtleduck pond, the water sparkling like creeping crystal.

It was strange to see Zuko so relaxed, his diadem off and his hair loose, eyes closed and scar softened. Sokka can’t help but notice how beautiful he truly is, smiling without a care. He wonders how many people have had the luck to see their Firelord like this. Maybe Mai?

Zuko’s sigh of bliss jolts him from his musings. “You alright, buddy?” the firebender asks.

Sokka smiles easily. “Just fine. You seem to be enjoying yourself, though.” Zuko’s sandals had been kicked off and cast aside as he dipped his toes in the water.

A breathy laugh escapes Zuko’s lips. “Yeah, well, it’s not every day you get to just relax with your best friend, you know?”

Sokka raised an eyebrow. “ _I’m_ your best friend?”

The firebender’s cheeks flushed with crimson as he stammered out, “Well—um— _yeah._ ”

The water tribe native grinned, noticing the way Zuko ran his fingers through his ebony locks, using the flyaway strands to cover his blush. His eyes peaked out through the black threads like uncut gems in a mine and his sheepish smile was nothing more than a thin line on his face but it was going to be the death of Sokka and—oh shit.

He was in love. He was in love with Zuko. He was in love with Zuko, the _fucking Firelord._ This wasn’t good at all.

Aunt Wu’s premonition burned in his brain. Bad things always seemed to happen to the people he loved.

_And it was usually his fault._

Sokka felt sick to the stomach. He wanted to keel over and forget this. He was a curse and he couldn’t let himself hurt Zuko.

“Sokka?” Zuko’s voice brought his body back to earth, though his mind was still reeling. The firebender’s hand drifted to Sokka’s own, resting on top of it. Smooth and soft and silken. “You sure you’re ok?”

Sokka nodded hastily, “yeah… yeah, I’m fine. Don’t worry about me, just forget it—actually don’t because there’s nothing to forget! Yeah, um…” _Very smooth._

Zuko frowned, turning away from him—a slight twist of his head that felt like a dagger in Sokka. “You don’t seem well. Go get some rest, Sokka.”

“Zuko, I—“

“ _Sokka_.”

Sokka did not, in fact, go get some rest. He went to go find Suki.

Arriving at the grounds where the Kyoshi Warriors trained now that they were guarding the Firelord, he found her sparring with Ty Lee. He grinned, plopping down to watch them. It was always so interesting to watch Suki fight, her fans spinning and soaring through the air like flashes of the sun and her stance never shifting, while somehow still gliding on the stones. Ty Lee wasn’t so bad herself, every kick and punch executed with grace, like she was dancing rather than fighting.

Suki pinned the Fire Nation girl down eventually, before helping her up with a grin.

Sokka stood up then, making his way over to them. “Nice job, ladies.”

Ty Lee beamed when she saw him, flinging her arms around him and pulling him into a bone-crushing hug. “Sokka!”

“Hey… Ty… Lee…” Sokka wheezed, silently pleading with Suki for help. Suki just laughed, tapping Ty Lee’s shoulder as a cue to release Sokka from her grip.

Once Sokka was free, Suki linked their arms and dismissed the other girls. “To what do I owe the pleasure? I thought you were with Zuko?”

Sokka couldn’t help the heat that came to his cheeks. “Yeah, um… that’s what I needed to talk to you about. I… I think I’m in love with him?”

Unexpectedly, Suki laughed. Just… threw her head back and laughed.

“What? Am I missing something?” Sokka frowned, scratching his head.

Suki raised an eyebrow, still laughing. “Congrats on being the last one to know, I guess? Except for maybe Zuko himself.”

_“What?”_

“Sokka, babe, we used to date. I know you. You’ve been in love with Zuko since you came to the Fire Nation, maybe even since the War.”

“Huh.” Thinking about it, she was probably right. His mind flashed back to the times he’d stared at the Firelord from afar, acutely noticing how his hair filtered sunlight or how flecks of sunset danced in his eyes—were those things you would think of your _friend?_

Suki hugged him suddenly. “Tell him, Sokka. He feels the same, I’m sure of it.”

Sokka wasn’t so sure, and was about to say so when Ty Lee came out with a two other Kyoshi Warriors—all of them frowning.

“Something’s wrong in the palace.” One of them said. “We need to go.”

Suki gasped, and turned to Sokka. “Find Zuko, make sure he’s okay, and tell him when you get the chance, ok?” She kissed his cheek quickly, and then they were gone.

_Struggle and anguish._

Something sank in Sokka’s stomach and he knew he needed to get to Zuko _as soon as possible_.

He used to count how many steps it took to reach the Firelord’s chambers, and grumble about the excessive number to said Firelord, but seemed now like there were no more than two as he arrived, panting, in front of Zuko’s room.

There were two guards posted outside. They seemed to know something was wrong. Sokka could feel it too.

He needed to get in.

“Please, let me in.” he pleaded with the guards, who shook their heads.

“We’re sorry, Ambassador Sokka. We have orders from the Council to not open the door.”

_“Please.”_ There were tears in his eyes now, but he couldn’t care. He needed to reach Zuko, no matter what. “Please let me in. I have to see him.”

“Let him in.”

Sokka’s eyes widened as the door opened to reveal Zuko, standing there. His usually slicked back hair was disheveled and his eyes were wide with pure unadulterated terror that did not belong there.

Zuko nodded to the guard, took Sokka’s hand, and pulled him inside, closing the door. Before he knew it, the firebender’s arms were around him, squeezing him tightly.

Sokka let out a muffled sob into Zuko’s hair, whispering, “Do you know what’s happening?”

Zuko looked up at him, tears in his eyes and a mirthless smile on his lips. “What else?”

Sokka nodded darkly. Why anyone would want to kill Zuko is something he’ll never understand, but it’s too late to ponder that now. Hands drifting to take Zuko’s in his own, Sokka took a deep breath. “I need to tell you something.”

Zuko’s eyes shone with curiosity and his lips seemed to quirk up a bit.

Sokka continued, “I… I think… I _know_ ….” He glanced up, wanting to be staring right into Zuko’s eyes as he said this. “I love you. I’m _in_ love with you. And… I should’ve realized sooner… but… yeah.” He braced himself for the brutal response, fully not expecting the chaste press of lips to his forehead.

Zuko was smiling that sweet smile, his cheeks pink and flushed. “I love you too.”

And Sokka came undone, wrapping his arms around Zuko tightly, sobbing with fear and love and everything he was feeling but couldn’t describe. He pulled away, cupping Zuko’s face and pressing their foreheads together.

One kiss. One stolen kiss in the threshold was all he was going to get, and he knew that. But it was better than never knowing for sure if those lips tasted of pomegranates like he’d always imagined. It was better than never saying those three words to the person they were meant for most. And maybe, _maybe,_ he could apologize.

Then _crash._ Two screams nearby. Zuko’s eyes widened, his face contorting in terror before the door burned to the ground.

He missed his chance.

\--

Getting off the boat to the Southern Water Tribe, Sokka is numb. Katara and Aang bound down to the docks and smother him with hugs and tears, but he can’t feel anything. He can’t hear their words of love and reassurance, only Aunt Wu’s threat.

_Your life will be filled with struggle and anguish._

Maybe, Sokka thought miserably, there was some truth to these predictions after all.

**Author's Note:**

> hit me up on tumblr if ya want (it's mostly les mis tho) @the-butter-churner


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